| [ New revelations ] |
[28 Apr 2005|01:30pm] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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music |
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Much Video Flow |
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So, new things always come about and one is expected to flow into it and eventually have it become part of their everyday. The pain we feel is masked by our best fake smile, and the tears in our eyes are related to allergies or perhaps an eyelash out of place. At one moment all is well and the next your dumped this new relevation to swallow. You swallow and continue on your way, because if you spit, your too self involoved, dramatic, and feel sorry for yourself. But isn't that the best part? The endless selfpity, and the affection and love only you can give yourself? The understanding only you can okay. One second its all alright, the next theres a shock, the minute later its all relative again and your laughing. Life is about suffering and learning from it in order to gain pure bliss.. isn't it? I see too many people who are overly dramatic and care about the most microscopic worries. I understand that this is ur life, these are your worries, but step aside and look at yourself. I suppose I'm not one to speak, but the sooner we all take eachothers advice, the sooner we'll all be happy.. or happier at least.
( normal stuff )
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| [ just a tragedy ] |
[20 Apr 2005|03:37pm] |
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Sometimes I think only Calypso understands.. then he meows and jumps off my lap and leaves me.
I'm a fuck.
You're Beautiful.
You're so last summer.
You're so Jealous.
I'm not content with losing.
<3
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| [ Birthday girl ] |
[27 Mar 2005|06:09pm] |
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mood |
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 flirty |
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So what can be said?
I'm the big 1-8 now :)
Thats exciting all in itself.
Couldn't visit the porn shop with Kym due to the fact its Easter sunday.. but
Last night
It started out shitty, let me tell u.. i had little faith. I'm not gonna talk about it though. Whats the point, this is live journal and I'm not gonna be a shit on it. Its over now.
But with the help of amazing company it turned into a great night.
Chocolate cake, vodka, and friends. What more could I have asked for?? Thank you to all you guys for coming and making my birthday fuckin awsome.
As for today, Kym just left a few hours ago.. now Harrisons coming over with my present and later I shall see Nicole and Jennifer.
So this is a new begining right? No more shit. I'm gonna be happy and enjoy myself, and love those around me. I have amazing friends, thats the only way I can put it. Amazing.
Muah!
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[27 Mar 2005|06:05pm] |
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mood |
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 loved |
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Happy 18th to me
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| [ song ] |
[17 Mar 2005|03:25pm] |
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mood |
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 content |
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music |
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Launch |
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Happy St. Patricks Day
"Signals Over The Air"
this is what you see when you look in my direction:
incandescent corsets draw eyes tight like wires.
this is how it feels,
calling out but no one even hears
the signals that we send over the air
over the air
over the air
over the air.
when you say my name,
i want to split it from your lips
and hide like whispers in the rain.
when you say (when you say) my name (when you say it)
i want to stop it in your lungs
and collect all of your blood to put in the radio.
is this how it feels
when you dont even fit into your own skin?
and its getting tighter,
every day i'm getting smaller
if i keep holding my breath i'm going to disappear.
when you say my name,
i want to split it from your lips
and hide like whispers in the rain.
when you say (when you say) my name (when you say it)
i want to stop it in your lungs
and collect all of your blood to put in the radio.
there's no where to hide.
they stole the love from our lives to put the sex on the radio.
there's no where to hide.
they stole the love from our lives to put the sex on.
if i keep holding my breath, all of this will fade away.
if you keep driving we'll be lying in the wreck.
changing the shape,
folding like an envelope to keep each other in.
shattered glass, broken looks, and mascara gets
washed away by windshield wiper blades
safe, safe
when you say (when you say) my name (when you say my name),
i want to split it from your lips
and hide like whispers in the rain.
when you say (when you say) my name (my name)
i want to stop it in your lungs
and collect all of your blood to put in the radio.
there's no where to hide.
they stole the love from our lives to put the sex on the radio.
there's no where to hide.
they stole the love from our lives to put the sex on the radio.
that's where we hide
the love and lies and sex, on the radio.
( 10 days )
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| .: well.. :. |
[01 Mar 2005|09:49pm] |
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mood |
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 okay |
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Not much to say really..
Huron wants to put me in a support group for grieving teens. I personally don't think I need it..
Starting yoga, should be fun.
This cookie yogart just tastes like yogart Ev.
Its surprising how much fun you can have with a boardgame and a group of boys.
Went to Robs today and played Halo. I shot Brett and Gus. Woot.
Worked.
Now here I am...
Tomarrow? No work.
And...... I've got nothing..
Its time to lie on my bed and listen to emo
Night all
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| .: for you :. |
[15 Feb 2005|09:27pm] |
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mood |
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 crushed |
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music |
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Tegan and Sara - My Number |
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32 years of age
No, 29 for the 3rd time.
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| .: Hello Love :. |
[14 Feb 2005|08:37pm] |
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mood |
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blank |
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music |
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Frank Sinatra - Fly Me To The Moon |
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I had decided that I was going to stop updating in this. I didn't really feel the need.
But tonight I told him I would try, I told him I can't promise, but I'll try for him.*
*no I didn't promise to update my livejournal
So here I go writting again.
I lost him. We've lost him. He wasn't just some guy I worked with at zellers.
This is the man who told me to write, told me not to listen to anyones crap. I was his Love,his Darling, his Baby,his Wednesday.
" How many months do we have now love?"
Hello this message is for Stephannie, I was just calling to tell you that I think you're beautiful.
"My darling, my darling, I've wanted to call you my darling,
For many and many a day.
My darling, my darling, I fluttered and fled like a starling,
My courage just melted away.
Now all at once you kissed me and there's not a thing
I'm sane enough to say, except
My darling, my darling, get used to that name of my darling,
It's here to stay."
"Oh, how I miss you tonight, miss you while lights are low,
Oh, how I need you tonight, more than you'll ever know.
Each moment, though we're apart, you're never out of my heart.
But I'd rather be lonely, and wait for you only,
My dear, how I miss you tonight.
(musical interlude)
Each moment, though we're apart, you're never out of my heart.
But I'd rather be lonely, and wait for you only,
My dear, how I miss you tonight"
"Goodnight, my love, sleep tight, my love,
It's almost dawn, remember me in your dreams.
Just one more kiss, and after this, I must be gone,
Remember me in your dreams.
The hours seemed like minutes, while I held you near.
The minutes will be hours, till we meet again, so dear,
Before we part, please take my heart,
And don't forget to remember me in your dreams.
(Remember me in your dreams.)
(Remember me in your dreams.)
[The hours seem like minutes, while I held you near.]
[The minutes will be hours, till we meet again,] so dear,
Before we part, please take my heart,
And don't forget to remember me in your dreams."
"Fly me to the moon
Let me sing among those stars
Let me see what spring is like
On jupiter and mars
In other words, hold my hand
In other words, baby kiss me
Fill my heart with song
Let me sing for ever more
You are all I long for
All I worship and adore
In other words, please be true
In other words, I love you"
I'll never forget your kisses on my cheek, your road runner tattoo, your messages, your phone calls, your opinions, your stories, your advice, your sence of humor. Most of all, I won't forget that feeling you gave, that aura of yours, that only you had.
I love you Noel, You will be grealty missed by so many..so many, you wouldn't believe it. You have my respect, and you're living on in my heart, and my words.
Thank you for the laughs, I hope you're still smiling.
R.I.P Love
And now, the end is near;
And so I face the final curtain.
My friend, I’ll say it clear,
I’ll state my case, of which I’m certain.
I’ve lived a life that’s full.
I’ve traveled each and ev’ry highway;
And more, much more than this,
I did it my way.
Regrets, I’ve had a few;
But then again, too few to mention.
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption.
I planned each charted course;
Each careful step along the byway,
But more, much more than this,
I did it my way.
Yes, there were times, I’m sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew.
But through it all, when there was doubt,
I ate it up and spit it out.
I faced it all and I stood tall;
And did it my way.
I’ve loved, I’ve laughed and cried.
I’ve had my fill; my share of losing.
And now, as tears subside,
I find it all so amusing.
To think I did all that;
And may I say - not in a shy way,
No, oh no not me,
I did it my way.
For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught.
To say the things he truly feels;
And not the words of one who kneels.
The record shows I took the blows -
And did it my way!
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| [ ? ] |
[02 Jan 2005|04:05pm] |
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mood |
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 drained |
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music |
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Launch |
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I love you, more then you'll ever know
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| [ poetry ] |
[23 Dec 2004|12:09pm] |
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mood |
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 artistic |
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music |
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Blink 182- All Of This |
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Your veins were always
paper thin
you reek of indignity
i reek of the perfume you gave me
you're forever scared
I'm forever tainted
but we smile
all the smiles are likey
to be forgotten
never to be remembered
all the moments that
it was just us
such a rush
heres to every beautiful lie
you cried you screamed
you glared
you gave
you glorified them
discomfort surrounding the places
I touched you
your marks still on my skin
I made you a promise
you made a promise
you couldn't keep.
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[18 Dec 2004|11:28pm] |
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mood |
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crushed |
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HAPPY?
HA! the definition to u is unknown.
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[17 Dec 2004|12:53am] |
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mood |
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kinda emo |
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music |
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emo mix |
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"The Ghost Of You"
<>i never said i'd lie and wait forever
if i died we'd be together
i cant always just forget her
but she could try
at the end of the world
or the last thing i see
you are
never coming home
never coming home
could i? should i?
and all the things that you never ever told me
and all the smiles that are ever ever...
ever...
get the feeling that you're never
all alone and i remember now
at the top of my lungs in my arms she dies
she dies
at the end of the world
or the last thing i see
you are
never coming home
never coming home
could i? should i?
and all the things that you never ever told me
and all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me
never coming home
never coming home
could i? should i?
and all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me
for all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me
if i fall
if i fall (down)
at the end of the world
or the last thing i see
you are
never coming home<>
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| [ In your eyes ] |
[10 Nov 2004|08:51pm] |
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mood |
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hopeful |
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music |
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The Used - Sound Effects and Over Dramatics |
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People piss me off.
Good day, got grad pics taken.. now all I need to do is graduate.
Why did u have to say what u said? I enjoyed talking to u but now u hate me, and now its weird. You spoke true? You made me almost cry. You came down on me too hard. Do u not think I see where I went wrong? Do u not think that I have thought about every moment where I went wrong? How can u say anything when you don't know anything. How can u hate me.. how can u love me.
Saw Greg today for the first time in... a week? Seems longer. Got a good hug. Hung out with Leslie, had a good time.. then with Jen and Nikki. It was nice to be with them.
Ev is coming to see me monday and I'm really excited. I miss her like.. so much.
I have no drive to be in a relationship right now. It seems like such a hassle. I relized that I may have a little trust issue.. not some crazy thing. But if youre a guy who wants in my pants but say u like me.. I probably won't believe u. I view myself as a pure piece of ass, and this isn't me trying to comedown hard on myself.. this isn't me putting myself down, but thats what i am. It sucks, because even tho I don't want a relationship I'm looking for a connection with someone. Blair always said I was one of those people who needed someone else to be complete, Chase disagreed and said I wasn't that person... at least I think it was him.. I don't know who or what I am, but I know I'd like a solid connection with someone.. and get some major holdage.
I guess I need to be nursed back to my old selfor a new self. Nikki hugged me in Jens kitchen tonight and I didn't want to move. I felt so safe. No Nikki I'm not coming onto u.
For those of u who said I'm completly incompotent of helping myself.. well look at me right now. What the hell do u think I'm doing? Yes I have friends, but what am I doing when I'm alone?
I said I was going to make myself a new, and so far so good, cept for the school thing.
Gonna go now, Dave may be coming over soon
Love Steph
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| [ My (our) New Song ] |
[08 Nov 2004|10:32pm] |
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mood |
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blank |
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music |
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Jimmy Eats World - Drugs Or Me |
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"Drugs Or Me"
Stay with me
You're the one I need
You make the hardest things
Seem easy
Keep my heart
Somewhere drugs don't go
Where the sunshine slows
Always keep me close
If only you could see
The stranger next to me
You promise you promise that you're done
But i cant tell you from the drugs
Don't let go
Well dig a great big hole
Down an endless hole
We'll both go
You're so blind!
You can't save me this time
Hope comes from inside
And I feel so low tonight
If only you could see
The stranger next to me
You promise you promise that you're done
But I can't tell you from the drugs
I wish you could see
This face in front of me
You're sorry you swear it you're done
But I can't tell you from the drugs
(Ohhhh)
(Ohhhh)
(take me) I need your help
(so far away) To pull me up take the wheel
(take me) Out from me
(so far away) Out from me
(Take me) If only you could see (I need your help)
(So far away) The stranger next to me (To pull me up take the pain)
(Take me) You promise you promise that you're done (Out from me)
(So far away) But I can't tell you from the drugs (Out from me)
(Take me) I wish that you could see (I need your help)
(So far away) This face in front of me (To pull me up take the wheel)
(Take me) You're sorry you swear it you're done (Out from me)
(So far away) But I can't tell you from the drugs (Out from me)
Keep my heart
somewhere drugs don't go
Where the sunshine slows
always keep me close
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| [ I can't tell you from the drugs ] |
[08 Nov 2004|10:24pm] |
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mood |
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lonely |
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music |
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Jimmy Eat World - Drugs Or Me |
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Cold winter walks make me think about you.... so does that song.
Went to Kristens tonight, love that girl. Shane and Amanda came and visited me, then Evan came. Evan was acting weird and that kinda makes me sad.
Winter, especially Christmas, is gonna make me feel lonley.
On a good point.. this is the first time in years that I have felt single. yay..
Love Steph
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[08 Nov 2004|12:59am] |
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mood |
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artistic |
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I feel lost.
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| [ hm ] |
[07 Nov 2004|03:46pm] |
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mood |
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 accomplished |
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music |
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Green Day - Jesus Of Suburbia |
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As I lay in the gutter bleeding, and knowing that you're leaving, I can't take all this pain, wishing it would go away.
-Evans msn name
Thank you Jake, for fixing Ev's ps2, it ment so much to me, u really helped out. Thanx for the hugs, you give good hugs.. I'm glad I've met u, someone like me lol.
I see all these girls and I see myself.. and it scares me.
Let me give you all a lesson, one that I learned to let, or that I am stil learning infact. In life, NEVER put yourself second, never make excuses for being last. Do not let anyone make you believe you're less then what you really are. NO ONE should put u in ur place, no one should make u cry and feel like shit, and hate urself. This includes family, b/fs, g/fs, friends and strangers. FUCK THEM, look at for urself and keep on moving forward.
Saw Bens mom today at Zellers... o man, I gave her a huge hug, two infact... and she asked me to visit.. it was so good to see her. Shes so pretty, and so kind.
Argument last night. I still don't understand half of what was said. This was all very quick and rash. I always knew but never knew it was that deep. Its not my place to starte ur feelings, but I know you, and I know u put urself into these fantasies, just as u said about me. I am not ur fantasy, I'm likely no ones fantasy. I don't want u hurt.. u think I don't understand? Look over the last few years of my life. I've learned from every bit of it, at least I would hope so. I'll make mistakes again but this is life, and its how we grow.
Whats going on today? Not much. I have to do homework, a whole bunch. Craig might come pick me up if I'm done, and other then that.. I unno.
Ev... yes, Wednesday... you me and my friend Leslie (u've met her) coffee time it up then to my place to see Alfie?
Gonna go start this school stuff
Love Steph
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